Trusting


This is the post that I am not looking forward to.  But…I am going to write it. This is but one example of living fearlessly.  Blogging is a daily exercise in making yourself vulnerable.

Whenever I think that it is so hard to trust, I sometimes think I am the only one who feels that way. In reality, we all share that reluctance to be vulnerable to others…to let others in…to really share who we are and let the chips fall.

I lived most of my life believing that self-protection was the better way. If I could carefully reveal only the winsome, lovely things about me, then you would like me, and all would be well.  Unfortunately, I am not made up of only winsome, lovely things. Darn. I have failure, disappointment, and intentional mean-spiritedness as part of my resume, too, so to really know me, heart and soul, you will have to be familiar with those things as well.  I am complicated, a grand batter of wild and weird ingredients.  We all are.

Getting to know myself was step 1.  Maybe all of life is really a 12-step program :-)  Trusting God to make me new?  Huge, Huge, Huge Step 2 (Think Easter.)

Living in acceptance of myself in process is the challenge, right?  Because that’s where I decide whether I will honestly reveal myself to the yous in the world. Will I take the risk that you won’t like me?  Will I model self-revelation and accept the you in process?

Sometimes I have taken that risk and it has turned out in disappointment, not gonna lie. But far more often, and therefore worth changing my life for, has been the decision to just be completely forthright about who I truly am, icky and beautiful, and relationships are the better for that decision. God is in the revealing, in the changes, and in the acceptance, and I am living proof of His grace in my life.  He accepts me, but I’m in a knot about your opinion?  I don’t think so.

Let’s agree not to pretend with each other.

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