“Sometimes”,

said Pooh, “The smallest things take up the most room in your heart”. A. A. Milne

Today I will ponder the small things.

How hot the sun is on my skin.

How much I like the people I work with.

That ranch dressing comes in Light.

Earrings that dangle.

Earrings that sparkle.

51 isn’t old.

The back of my hands remind me of my dad’s mom.  She had lovely hands.

Cookie-scented candles.

Other people’s birthdays

10 PM phone calls that make me smile.

Something lost, now found.

I can iron.

Katie’s bedroom.

Dog’s wagging tails.

Lace on a scarf.

The hydrangea…always the hydrangea.

.

Morning Light

Listening to my IPod this morning.  This song by Audrey Assad stood out from the rest..

How did I get here standing in a mess that I have made?

Little by little adding to the chaos everyday

I know it’s time, it’s time to come clean
I know it’s time, it’s time to come clean

Boxes full of things I’ve shuffled and shifted place to place

All the years of me, everything I want to keep and throw away

I know it’s time, it’s time to come clean
I know it’s time, it’s time to come clean

I empty out the pieces
And I put them where they go

But where do they go?
Where do they go?
Does anything in me know?
Where do they go?

I’m finding what I’ve covered and holding it up to the morning light

I’m opening my life a little at a time and it’s all right

‘Cause it takes time, it takes time to come clean
Yeah, and I know it’s time, it’s time to come clean

I’m picking up the pieces
And I put them where they go

But where do they go?
Where do they go?
Does anything in me know?
Where do they go?
Where do they go?

I’m picking up the pieces

So where do they go?
Where do they go?
I wanna know just where do they go?
Where do they go

Because I need to know
Just where do they go? Where do they go?
I’ve got to know just where do they go?
Where do they go? Will I ever know?

Life isn’t just messy. Sometimes we make the mess.  On purpose. And it takes time to make all that mess.

And it takes time to come clean, …to open up a little at a time.  To find what we’ve covered up.  Morning light.

Wishing

This post isn’t profound, rather it’s just musing,  Just want you to know ahead of time :-)

We wish happy birthdays to someone, which just means bestowing a blessing of sorts.

We wish traffic would clear in front of us, which might mean expressing frustration or sort of a prayer.

We wish we could eat dessert before dinner, which really is mostly about coloring outside the lines.  I for one, think dessert before dinner is a fine idea…once in awhile :-)

Lately, though, I’ve been realizing that I spend too much time in the non-present.  That would be either the past or the future. When I do that, I usually prefer slipping into the past, probably because I’m most comfortable there.

Things aren’t all that great in the past.  No one’s past is perfect, but at least we know what’s there, so we go back, trying in vain to re-do what we messed up mostly.  What a ridiculous exercise.

We no more can re-write our past than we can pen the future.  It is what it was, and it will be what it will be. “Living in the present” seems like an over-used phrase and a misunderstood practice, at least for me.

Shania Twain’s new release “Today is Your Day” is  catchy and although every line doesn’t resonate with me, it’s all about living today, no matter what.  Focusing on today’s minute, today’s gift, today’s breath. And  I think that is what God wants us to do, forgetting what lies behind and just press on.

So tomorrow, today will be gone forever.  I’m going to embrace today, the best I can.  Do my best, be my best, enjoy breathing, living, working, loving. learning, trying.  Trying is good.

Sometimes all it’s about is waking up and doing today.

Doors



In 2001, I was in Rome, wandering about at the Vatican and around the city…the year of the four holy doors, which I gladly but without any understanding, went through. That’s me.  I love life, and I often aimlessly wander.  Nothing wrong with wandering.  As a matter of fact, I go slower these days, and thus wandering has taken on an even slower pace!

Those doors…I’ve thought about those doors from time to time over the years.  No keys were required.  Those doors were open.  Didn’t even have to knock.  Could just go on through, and a special blessing was to follow. Don’t know about that.  As I said, I didn’t understand the Four Doors significance.

But I do have doors in my life.  Lots of them.  Every day.  Some are open  Others are not. Some are for going right on through.  Others are not.  Some have a blessing that follows.  Others clearly do not.

I could write forever on this.  I have come to my senses and realized that this is possibly of more significance to me than to the reader:-)

Suffice it that I am learning that just because a door is beautiful, inviting, and even the perfect color, that door may not be for me.  It may even be that a door is my dream, and I have looked for the key to open it for ever, but to let it go unopened is sometimes the best and right thing…even when walking away is hard.

A father’s legacy

I’ve known lots of dads.  Lots. Over the years I’ve seen many, met many, watched many, but I have only one.

On a day to honor fathers, I’ve been thinking about legacies.  About chains left to children. Because I want to give a legacy of beauty to my children, all I can think of today is the legacy my dad has built for us.

My dad is still living.  As a matter of fact, in a few short hours, I’ll be seeing him for brunch.  So, he is still building this legacy I speak of.  Not done.  At 82, he still is building.  Every day.

There are no more daughters to greet at the breakfast table these days, no spilled milk or hurried meals as we dash out the door to the latest activities.  These days, he greets my mom at the breakfast, lunch and dinner table.  He has, for 56 years, greeted her, and only her.  Faithful husband.

He will be in church this morning.  He’s always in church on Sunday mornings.  I don’t wonder where he is on Sundays.  I know.  He will be on the end of a pew about 1/2 way up, holding his hymnal, singing quietly.  He’s not a great singer.  Was never in the choir.  Doesn’t matter.  Still sings. Love that about him.

He knows someone everywhere.  Really.  No matter where he goes, he has a knack for knowing someone somewhere!. He has a grin that is so familiar to me, and to others, when people say hello, and he makes them feel like there isn’t anyone he likes more than them. What an incredible skill, except it isn’t a skill.  It’s just him.  I love that so much.

I don’t remember taking my very first steps, but I do remember with vivid clarity taking my first steps at 41, after a stroke, and I had ‘forgotten’ how to walk.  My dad was 100 feet down the hall of the hospital, waiting, as the therapist said, “OK, walk to your dad.  He’s waiting.” And he was waiting, standing there, urging me on, knowing I could do it, when I wasn’t sure I could. The tears on his face were love.

That’s a dad.  Urging us on. Believing in us when we just aren’t as sure.

I love you, dad, with ALL my heart.

It Makes ALL the Difference

Imagine having the perspective that God is for us.  FOR you.  For your good. Always.  Wouldn’t that make a remarkable difference in how you felt about your life?

It has made that remarkable difference for me in my life.  I know that I have not been forsaken.,abandoned.,discarded. or forgotten.  Despite my very real and present frailties, the God of the universe and of my heart is present and reminds me who He is and whose I am

That is especially comforting to me when I am facing the unknown.  Going somewhere unfamiliar (or maybe familiar and I didn’t like it the last time I was there!).

Last evening I heard someone say something that struck me.  She was saying that life is sometimes like having emergency surgery.  We need whatever is happening in our lives at that moment (like emergency surgery), but we can’t see exactly why.  We can’t see down the road…what will face us around the corner that will require the strength or wisdom gleaned from today’s experience.

Knowing that God is constant, faithful, and for my good is what I count on in those moments of uncertainty. Past experience teaches me that counting on His constant goodness is never, ever wrong.

I may forget God, but He never forsakes me.

What will it take for me to Let Go?

Every once in awhile I hear a song that is JUST what I’m thinking or feeling.  I shared this with a friend today, and when he heard it, said it brought tears to his eyes.  My thoughts exactly.

So…Lindsay McCaul singing Let Go”...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hu09HSHbE64

I want to let go, I’m weary and bound
I’m giving it up; I’m laying it down, oh
Take it away, out of my hands
Out of my reach and safe in your plans.

‘Cause I need to know, that you can hear me, yeah
Fill me with your peace, yeah, and cover me gently, yeah
Like only you can…

So take me, and hold me, break me and mould me, oh
Take me, and hold me, break me and mould me
I want to let go

Cradle my hands, knuckles so white
Open them up, and say it’s alright, oh
Show me a plan, call it your own
Make it a journey, leading me home

I want to let go