Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart

It’s a book by Dr. Gordon Livingston (great, mind you!) and it’s a commentary on far too many lives.  Mine included, unfortunately.  In some areas of my life.

I woke up a few years ago, when I came face to face with expectations, perfectionism, and resentments.  Coming up to the surface for air wasn’t easy, and the journey has been equally hard, if not more.

I used to say aloud  “I just like things the way I like them”.  Inside I was saying “My way is best.  You need to see it my way”.  No, that’s not it.  Really it was  “You have to see it my way.  I insist that you do what I want.”

Unmet expectations lead to resentment.  In my world, I had mountains of unmet expectations. And what did those lead to?

That insatiable quest for control led to migraines, mean-spirited comments, criticism, and unbelief.

Those that were hurt by me have personally heard my cry for forgiveness, and have welcomed me back into their hearts. Some relationships will never be the same, but were made brand new.

Apologies are best made in changed behavior, repeated consistently over time.  A changed view in action.

The heart of perfectionism and control?

Incredible selfishness, self-absorption, and me trying vainly to unseat God.

While I was insisting that there was no way but mine, He might have been saying “I’ve got this, dear one.  Just follow Me”

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