If I could only capture an attitude of expectancy. Living in such a way that I consistently depend on God, and am always watchful for how He will work. Instead, I find myself surprised.
I generally have this philosophy about looking behind: Looking back is only additive if it somehow illuminates the way for me to move ahead. Looking back and camping there, feeling uncertain, ashamed and regretful, is of no lasting value. If, however, I can look back, seeing how God worked (in spite of my stumbles) and brought honor to His Name and good in my life, I want to do that regularly. That sort of remembering births wisdom and expectancy.
Do I believe this? “My flesh and heart may fail, but God is the strength of my life and my portion forever.” Ps 73.26 I DO. Yes, I most certainly do believe that.
And if I do, then I want to be expecting and depending. Move on from fretting and fear. Move on from surprise that God would work for my good and His glory.
Fathers love their children, and do good for them.
God is good. I am not surprised by that.