Intentionally taking time for myself is foreign. Definitely not natural.
Yesterday afternoon was really a day to be outside…in the sun or in the yard or walking by the Chattahoochee. All of which I love.
Instead I took me to a local Starbucks, pen and notebook in hand. Earphones and water bottle in my bag.
I cozied into a comfy chair by the window, put my legs over the arm, and intentionally focused on the task at hand. I would rather have been outside, and I recognized that. So instead I put on Pandora through my earphones, and started writing.
I referred recently to a self “inventory”, of sorts, that I am devoted to completing. It’s hard because it’s just hard. Hard to think about myself that much. Feels selfish somehow. Again…not natural.
Listening to Laura Woodley Osman singing “I Will Not Lose Heart” helped tremendously.
That’s me exactly. Refusing to lose heart. Despite my natural inclinations to self-protect, my spirit is getting stronger.
My heart wants eternal. I just bend that way. Which means that this vehicle I’m on is simply a momentary affliction. And the affliction of completing this thing doesn’t compare to what I know is on the shore.
I want to know what I don’t know now. My pen helps me listen.
I will not lose heart. I can see the shore.