No Reserve

I am suddenly and without warning in a season of need.

Actually, how often is there a warning…an alarm…an alert or a heads up …

that the boat is about to capsize.

I’m about to take on water and its a long way to swim to shore.

My season isn’t life.

Nor death.

Rather,  inconvenience. Just simple inconvenience.

So I’ve been thinking about provision, about resources…about need meeting provision.

I am clearly a limited resource, and so are you.

I’ve got, in the human realm, finite resources. There is so much to go around, and that, as they say, is that.

So I have this tendency to see from that perspective, with limits at the edges.  Limits at my edges.

But God.

Unlimited describes God.

When His provision intersects with our need, whatever it is, it never empties the coffers.

He is never depleted.  Never limited.

His provision for you and His for me has zero impact on His resources.

unlimited…

Forever.

Love.

Enough.

 

 

Disrupted

Back in the day, I taught childbirth classes, preparing new mommies and daddies for an amazing transition of life.

We talked through the mechanics, the choices, the fear, the excitement, the moment

And we talked about birth plans.  How they wanted it to go, the dreams they dreamed and ways they hoped to experience this…this.

The thing is,  birth plans almost never go as “planned”.

Unexpected outcomes are part of the process.  Part of the Plan.

It’s a great life lesson, a good thing to ponder and reconcile.

A maturity milestone, I believe, is faithful flexibility.

Despite disruption and unexpected outcomes, faith confronts confusion.  Faith intersects with reconciling.

Faith says ok…not my will but Thy Will.

Faith disrupts the “But…”

Faith looks at the intravenoused arm and magic-markered foot and yields to the Greater One, who sees with no confusion.

Faith accepts the unexpected with tears.

And with trust.

 

So….

This won’t happen, although it makes me laugh to think about it. It seems just…so…so efficient!! Small needle, into my arm…happy coffee. No fuss, no muss.

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This won’t happen, although it makes me laugh to think about it.  It seems just…so…so efficient!!  Small needle, into my arm…happy coffee.  No fuss, no muss.

Partial list of favorite things:

  • Dark, strong, HOT coffee in any one of my Dunoon coffee cups.  Coffee snob, English bone china snob….it’s true:-)  No apologies.
    • I have been known to beg my friends traveling in London to scour shops in the hunt for a single missing landscape cup to add to my cupboard.
    • So…in my bag will be a china mug.  I am me, after all.

The countdown to surgery is on. A week and a half from now, I’ll have a an IV, a collection of incisions, a cast, non weight-bearing for 6 weeks and a long recovery to face.

I’m ready. Took me awhile to get here, but I’m here.

I’ve scheduled the time, planned time away from work and my life that I love, confirmed my decision to seek more healing, and am confident that this is the right thing for me.

Yet…I’m wiggly about whether I can do the recovery part.

Not the same woman I was at 41.  Different life circumstances, different motivators. Different body.

I no longer walk 12 miles a day.  Can’t believe I used to do that.  Oh…my…goodness…

A talk with my son was sweet.  Touching my heart, tears in my eyes sweet. Scared to admit that I was worried about getting through this and reclaiming my life, his response was utter confidence.  In me. And in the God I love. No way does he think I’m not up to the task.

So my body is older, and maybe not as “perfect” – oh dear – as it was. But I’m that same woman.  She’s in there, and is as determined as she ever has been.

It’s just so honoring to be known.  I love that this man who was my baby knows me so well that he can speak into me.  Encouragement, confidence, faith.

I know, I know, I know

that this experience will be one where I get to know God more.

Because I know that He is for me.  For me.  To write upon my heart His faithfulness, His constancy, His Power. So faithful and so true.

I know that He will never forsake me in my weaknesses.

I know that He is for me.  For my good and His glory.

To write upon my heart to remind me…Who You Are.