In the Moment

Taking time to consider.  Carefully thinking through.  Quietly reflecting and letting things settle before reacting.

These have not always come naturally to me, so I am cultivating new behavior.  Purposefully and intentionally thinking before acting.  Stopping.  Just stopping to pause and consider before I say something,    do something   or even develop an opinion about something or someone.

The reason this is intentional , and occasionally difficult, I might add, is because it is my nature to be quick.   Quick to speak, VERY quick to have my thought together, and far too quick to form my opinion.

The pause…the moment…whether an hour, a day, or just a breath in and out is a gift of perspective that I give myself.

In the ongoing battle against impulsiveness, I’m reaching my own mile markers of  growth, although this new behavior can easily be misunderstood.  For someone who has always been first with her thoughts, the notion of saying “Let me think about that” is a daunting response to some in my life. It’s probably downright unnerving! Yet, I’m utterly convinced that a thoughtful response, even when the response is one that is exactly what you would have expected from me, is better given, and more gently received than my old delivery.

The added benefit is that I know that every thought that occurs to me doesn’t get spoken.

 

Favorite words

Sometimes it’s fun to just think of what these are.  I have all-time never-change ones, but new are added from time to time.  Here are some I’m loving these days.  Love the way they sound…roll off the tongue…just..are.

Sufficiency

Safe

Unreservedly

Lull

Am

Cello :-)

Acceptance

Known is a far easier door than Unknown.

Usually we are asked to walk through Unknown.  It would seem to me, then, that we get would used to that door.  I have not gotten used to it.  I’ve walked through it more than once, for myself as well as with those I love, and I still wish there was another way.

Unknown is on my menu this week.  I am feeling all of the emotions that accompany this doorway.  Uncertain, a little scared, but determined.

Years ago I read Hinds Feet on High Places, by Hannah Hurnard.  The heroine, Much Afraid, accompanied by companions Sorrow and Suffering, must develop hinds feet in order to access the high places.  Much Afraid confronts her fears, over and over, as she makes her way through unknown territory. She teeters on the edges of mountain passes, totally unsure of her footing, she walks haltingly through mist-shrouded valleys, entirely unable to see even a step in front of her…all the while making her way with these two ‘miserable’ fellow travelers.  The Chief Shepherd in the story keeps urging her on, to make her way to the high places…and eventually she does, thankful for the experiences, and even her companions,  that helped her develop the feet that she had to have to make the climb.

That book came to mind this morning, as I was thinking about this week.

Unknown is only unknown to me.  Unknown is entirely known to God.

Even the darkness is light to Him

I Have Been

thinking of you today.

In fact, my arms are around you.  Can you tell?

I’ve always loved you.  Well, almost always.  On those occasions when you are annoying, I dig deeper and love you more.  I can do that because I’ve seen you do it with me.  That’s what we are sometimes…mutually irritating :-)

I love so many things about you.  You tell me hard truths.  When you smile, it’s from as deep as your toes.  Your eyes are deep.  So is your soul.  You challenge me. I cannot possibly be arrogant around you, and I love that.  You also make me laugh – sometimes like crazy hard laughing. Because of you, my world is not small and slim.  It’s wide and painful and possible. You don’t make it a debt but a gift.  How awesome are you??

When I think about you, I feel graced.   That’s it exactly, and I could never say it enough.

Every Promise Kept

My my.  My my my.

I’ve never known that here.  I’ve not done it nor has it been done for me.

Despite our best efforts, highest intentions and intense love, none of us keep our promises.  We keep some, and sometimes are even inconvenienced to do so. I, for one, can even recall some occasional sacrifice  involved in keeping my promises.

Scrapes and bruises along the way in laying down on the tracks to take the hit – so my children wouldn’t, for example. Keeping my wedding ring on when I wanted to take it off. Giving when there wasn’t anything left in the bank. Loving a very unlovable friend.

None of this makes me anything other than an inconsistent keeper of promises.  I mentioned times of staying steady, but the times I broke ranks and ran would fill far more than a blog post. The truth is, I prefer convenient, warm, easy.  I like the smooth road.

Every now and then I get a clear glance into how I am not God…I am SO created.  emphasis on the ed.  The differences are astounding.

Listen to this by Laura Story

 Faithful God

May the grace that sought my heart on that first day
Be the grace that binds my heart to stay
May the truth that opened up my eyes on that first time
Be the thoughts on my mind that never go away.

For You are a lamp to my feet
A light to my path
You’re the hand that’s holding me

Faithful God, every promise kept
Every need You’ve met, Faithful God
All I am and all I’ll ever be
Is all because You love faithfully
Faithful God

May the love that caught my heart to set it free
Be the love that others see in me
And may this hope that’s reaches to the depths of human need
Be the song that I sing in joy and suffering
For you are the love that never leaves
The friend that won’t deceive
You’re the one sure thing

Faithful God, every promise kept
Every need You’ve met, Faithful God
All I am and all I’ll ever be
Is all because You love faithfully
Faithful God

How deep, how wide the love
That pierced His side, the love
Redemption’s mine, O Love that will not let me go

How deep the love (How deep, how wide the love)
How deep the love (That pierced His side, the love)
Redemption’s mine, O Love that will not let me go

How deep, how wide the love
That pierced His side, the love
Redemption’s mine, O Love that will not let me go

Faithful God, every promise kept
Every need You’ve met, Faithful God
All I am and all I’ll ever be
Is all because You love faithfully
Faithful God

What You are doing…

got me thinking.

A dear friend lost her dad recently, which left her with a mountain of responsibilities and months of grief. Despite her resolute focus to get through these first days, I know that the two are intersecting. If I listen closely, I can hear it.  If I watch carefully, I can see it.  If I ask gently, I can observe it.

She is sifting through her dad’s physical possessions, making decisions as she goes.  I can’t help but think about that.

What would/will my children find of mine after I’m gone?  What will yours find of you?  What matters to me that they will find?

My clothes smell of the perfumes I love. I hope not overwhelmingly so.

My Bible is inked and highlighted.  The Word really matters to me.

Those endless journals…hopefully nothing new there.  My goal was to share while I’m with you, not to surprise you after I’m gone. Did you know your mom?  I pray you did.

Boxes of your childhood things, because what you did was of such importance to me.  Who you are is even more important.

Great Christmas things, especially ornaments.  Remember, ok?

Books,  Books.  Books.

Lots of handwritten recipes, many from grandma, Aunt Anne and Nana.  Keep those.  Too good to toss.

Probably shockingly disorganized files.  Sorry.  Wasn’t good at everything :-)

I don’t find this morbid, just thoughtful.

Valuable.

My heart goes out to my friend.

The First Part

Do you know When God Ran by Phillips, Craig and Dean?

I love that song, all of it, but I especially love the first part. It always captures my attention and my heart’s affection. The list is just so…encouraging.

Almighty God    

The Great I Am

Immovable Rock,  Omnipotent, Powerful, Awesome Lord

Victorious Warrior

Commanding King of Kings

Mighty Conqueror

Take whatever I am facing today and measure it against this list.

Enough said.